Teen & Parent Chat: 6 Ways To Communicate Clearly With Your Teen By Christine McGogy

Get the Details Continuted....

Here is an example:

Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Oh, you don't really mean that!"
Teen: "Yes, I do. I double hate him!"
Parent: "Well, I don't want to hear that kind of talk. I am sure you don't really hate him!"
Teen: "Yes, I do so. I hate all teachers!"
Parent: "Do you think hating your teachers is going to get you a good mark?"

And on and on the arguing goes….

Here’s an alternative:

Teen: "I hate my teacher!"
Parent: "Wow, you don't normally hate anybody. What did he do to get you talking like that?"
Teen: "A couple of kids didn't have their homework finished again today, so he decided to punish all of us by giving us a math test tomorrow!"
Parent: "That doesn't sound very fair!"
Teen: "No, it isn't fair at all. I wanted to go over to Rachel's tonight to hang out and listen to music. Instead I have to study for that stupid test. I am so mad at my teacher! He ruins everything!"
Parent: (Just listening.)

This teen was able to express herself, and she felt validated by her parent.

You will notice that the parent didn't argue about the feelings the teen had. The parent listened and was not judgmental. You don't have to agree with your teen’s feelings. You only need to acknowledge them. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. We can’t help what our teens may feel. We should set limits, however, on behaviors that don’t conform to what we consider to be appropriate behavior. Expressing one's feelings is a healthy thing; although negative expressions of one’s feelings should be avoided, such as screaming or name calling. A good way to avoid this is using time-outs--wait and continue the conversation when everybody has calmed down.

Next Month: Open-Ended Questions/Criticize Behavior, Not Your Teen/Let the Consequence Fit the Action/Using Descriptive Praise

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